


To Die As Lovers May, So That They May Live Together

by lrhaboggle



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types, Carmilla - J. Sheridan Le Fanu
Genre: AU, Crossover, Cycle, Death, F/F, Freedom, Gay, God - Freeform, LGBT, Lesbian, Love, Magic, Mircalla, Modern Day, Promise, Punishment, Repetition, Resurrection, Romance, Silas - Freeform, University, Victorian, Witchcraft, curse, eternal, karnstein - Freeform, life - Freeform, prompt, schloss, sin - Freeform, soulmate, spell, through time, vampire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 08:35:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15681825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lrhaboggle/pseuds/lrhaboggle
Summary: These were the words Carmilla was promised even before she became Carmilla, and they had stayed true for all of these centuries. It didn't matter when or where, the vampire was always drawn back home in the end, back to her very first lover, even if the name and face was a bit different every time.





	1. Chapter 1

Susanna Nádasdy smiled seductively at the young lady, Mircalla Karnstein, who was kneeling at her bedside with her hands under the coverlet. Susanna looked at her with a kind of pleased wonder and beckoned for Mircalla to come closer. Mircalla obeyed and withdrew her hands from Susanna's coverlet and began to caress her tenderly. At last, Mircalla even laid down beside Susanna on the bed, and drew her in close, smiling languidly as she did so. Susanna made a purring noise and felt immediately delightfully soothed.

"Dearest Mircalla," Susanna whispered, voice low and husky with love.

"Susanna," Mircalla's voice was even lower and raspier. "It has been far too long since last we've met."

"Well, I scarcely can get a day to myself," Susanna replied ruefully. "You know how domineering my father is. I can't even breathe without his permission, just in case I do something to slander the Nádasdy name."

"Well, whatever happens, I doubt that it will be your breathing that slanders your family," Mircalla replied cheekily, shifting under the covers until Susanna was sitting directly underneath of her. "That is, unless your breathing comes in too fast or too hard," she added suggestively. Susanna only laughed in reply, watching with excited eyes as Mircalla lowered her head until their lips were touching.

Susanna and Mircalla were countesses of neighboring estates and had only met when both of their fathers were busy conjuring up a plan to secure some more of the territory between them. They were making treaties and alliances in return for some of the spoils that would come from this newest conquest. The two became fast friends and then, as fate allowed, far more. In time, it became the goal of both women to spend as much time together as they could, despite the distance between. As of that particular point in time, Mircalla had managed to sneak away from her home, Karnstein, to come and visit Susanna's estate. She'd been here for several days now, and still nobody noticed.

Mircalla's own father, Ferenc Karnstein, neglected his daughter severely. Sometimes, he even forgot that she existed just because she wasn't a son. It hadn't been hard for her to sneak off. The difficulty had come after she entered Susanna's home. Susanna's father, Hans, was on the opposite side of the spectrum. If Ferenc never noticed a thing Mircalla did, Hans noticed everything. He was watchful where Ferenc was blind. He was a vigilante where Ferenc didn't even care. If Mircalla could leave her castle without Ferenc noticing, Susanna couldn't even breathe without Hans criticizing it. But Hans' observant vigilance ended with Susanna. He never once even suspected that his daughter might be engaging in nightly visits from her female friend of Karnstein. As far as he was concerned, Susanna was so tightly under his control that she wouldn't even have the guts to do something like this, let alone the resources. If only he'd understood just how deeply the two girls loved one another. They would do anything for each other, even going to the length of sneaking out to visit, even if they could only come out at night. Now the two girls were entertaining another night together, curled up under Susanna's bedsheets, skin to skin.

As romantic as nights like these were, however, nothing compared to nights in the garden, but that was perhaps because they were the riskiest nights of all. Just two young countesses, creeping between shadow and moonbeam and amongst the leaves and flowers of the garden to steal a night together. In fact, the two countesses even shared their last kiss in this little moonlit Eden, sitting side by side and overlooking a small lake towards the edge of the garden. The moon was a glowing disc upon a dull gray sheet of water that was as still and silent as glass.

"I am sure, Susanna, that you have been in love; that there is, at this moment, an affair of the heart going on," Mircalla said to her lover.

"I have been in love with no one, and never shall," Susanna whispered in reply. "Unless it should be with you!" Mircalla felt something powerful move her heart in response to these gently-spoken but passionate words. She turned her dark eyes to meet Susanna's green ones, enchanted by the pure and powerful love she found within them.

Mircalla suddenly moved forward, catching Susanna's chin in her hand. She pulled Susanna closer and closer until their lips met. This kiss began slow and gentle, but soon became feverish and hard as hands roamed through hair and across skin in perfect rhythm to the motion of their mouths as they kissed longer and deeper. Soft moans filled the warm summer air and combined with the occasional rustle of a nightgown as the two women continued to nuzzle and caress one another with lips and fingers.

"Darling, darling," Susanna finally murmured, "I live in you; and you would die for me, I love you so..." it was a good hour before either of them chose to return to bed, sneaking back across the massive garden and back into the castle.

Once the pair was on the last step that would lead inside, however, Susanna stopped them both and turned to face the moonlit garden.

"Let us look again for a moment; it is the last time, perhaps, I shall see the moonlight with you," she said.

"What do you mean?" Mircalla replied, a little alarmed by this cryptic and gloomy phrase, but Susanna would not answer. Instead, she only continued to stare out at their little Eden with languid and pensive green eyes, one arm still wrapped sweetly around Mircalla's slim waist.

In the end, Susanna proved correct in her prediction. Although Mircalla was able to spend one more day with Susanna, their next night was cut short. Ferenc had finally noticed his daughter's absence and although he had absolutely no clue where she had gone, not knowing her well enough to even conjecture, he sent out a letter to Hans for help. Hans might not have known Mircalla much better, but he knew Susanna, and if he knew Susanna, he would have Mircalla. He ended up lying in wait, watching his daughter with extra care that day, even long after the sun had gone down. He waited carefully outside of Susanna's room, ear at the door until he heard gentle voices speaking in conversation. He did not need to hear much to recognize his daughter's own soft, sweet voice, and Mircalla's far lower and raspier tone. Enraged at the words he was hearing them speak, he did not hesitate to kick in the door and draw his sword...

Susanna and Mircalla escaped that night unscathed, but the next one they shared together would not yield the same result. Firstly, Susanna and Mircalla were kept far apart, forbidden from even seeing each other for nearly half a year, but even once they were free to at least speak to one another again, either Hans or Ferenc had to be in attendance. It was the first time in Mircalla's life that Ferenc had ever noticed her, though it still boiled down to a selfish reason. He didn't care what Mircalla did, he just worried about what her actions might do to his own reputation. Even now, while watching Mircalla, the selfish man only saw himself. But it was still better than Hans who, unlike Ferenc, did care what the two girls did, and made sure that his every expression somehow conveyed displeasure with them, even if they talked about things as mundane as the weather.

Of course, the two girls were forbidden from ever sharing a room or a night, and guards were posted outside their doors whenever one young lady visited the other, but Susanna was not ready to admit defeat. Instead, one particular night, she managed to dupe her father and her guard into thinking she was curled up in bed when, instead, it was just her nightgown, stuffed with pillows and hidden with an extra coverlet. The real Susanna was quickly making her way to Mircalla's room, an ancient spellbook in hand...

"What are you going to do with that?" Mircalla demanded in a small voice. She wasn't even sure how Susanna had been able to escape her room and get around the entire castle just so that she could climb through Mircalla's window the same way Mircalla had climbed through hers a few months back. How had no one stopped her sooner? Especially since the spellbook she had looked so big and heavy. And it was a full moon that night. How had Susanna not been spotted?

"I'm going to reunite us, to everything we once were," Susanna replied determinedly as she flipped through the old pages. "I am going to reunite us and give us the life that we deserve. A life we can share as one..."

"You mean you're going to have us run away?" Mircalla asked, sounding almost excited. "We'll see the world together?"

"You know I've always wanted to travel somewhere beyond the castle walls," Susanna replied, not looking up from her book. "And you are mine, and you shall be mine. You and I are one forever."

At last, the young woman found something. It looked like a spell that would give them the ability to hide within shadows just until they could escape, but Susanna never got to finish the spell before a guard burst in. Susanna's guard had dared to go into Susanna's room and ended up discovering her deceit. At the same time, Susanna's voice had bled through Mircalla's door and when Mircalla's guard realized that the voice did not belong to her, it did not take long for either of the guards to put two and two together.

The two girls were both put under arrest for the crimes of witchcraft and homosexuality, but in the end, only Susanna was executed. Ferenc and Hans made an agreement with one another that Hans would try and help save Mircalla in the name of Ferenc's reputation and, in return, Hans would get some of Ferenc's wealth and power. Ferenc would help disassociate Hans with Susanna so that when the inevitable disgrace for having a witch and a lesbian for a daughter would arise, Hans would still be able to save some of his own reputation by using Ferenc.

It was in both of their plans to allow Susanna to die simply because at least a little blood needed to be spilt in order for the masses to feel like justice had been done and because neither of them cared too much about Susanna, she was their chosen scapegoat. Really, the only reason they even agreed upon making an attempt to save Mircalla at all was because Ferenc was so vain and pompous that he did not want one single stain on his image. Hans had been a little different, willing to ruin a bit of his reputation now and then rebuild later. It was why he had no problem watching his daughter die. Ferenc, however, had been a bit more adamant about Karnstein purity and made that deal with Hans to protect Mircalla at the cost of Susanna. Hans had no issue agreeing with this, knowing that Ferenc would help him back up to grace after he took this inevitable fall for his daughter's heinous sins, though both men knew full well that Mircalla was just as guilty as Susanna.

The two counts quickly blamed everything on Susanna, using eyewitness evidence that since it had only been Susanna with the spellbook, Susanna was the only one to blame. They spun a story of lies, stating that Susanna was a practicing witch and had used black magic to seduce Mircalla into her services. They painted Mircalla as an innocent and confused victim, nearly defeated by the forces of darkness because she did not know any better and hadn't had a man to protect her. They wrote Susanna as the vile and vulgar one, responsible not just for the witchcraft the guards had seen that one night, but for any and all homosexual acts between herself and the young Karnstein prior to then. They accused Susanna of sneaking into Mircalla's bedroom every night to seduce and sleep with her even if it was against Mircalla's will or without her consent. It had been Susanna with the spellbook, after all. Mircalla was an innocent bystander, put under the influence of Susanna's spells to allow all of these shameful things to happen to her and to delude herself into thinking that she liked it. She could not be punished for Susanna's seductive sins.

Their plan worked liked a charm and they were able to divert enough attention from Mircalla so that her life was spared, but all of that anger had to go somewhere. So now, Susanna was surely slated to die, if not by the law, by something of a popular vote. Ferenc and Hans had done their job well and created Susanna into a perfect scapegoat. She would die not just for criminal activity, but because the rest of their kingdom genuinely believed that every bad thing ever said about her was automatically true. Only Mircalla was smart enough to see through the lies, but she was powerless to speak by now because of Ferenc and Hans' little story. Since they'd made Mircalla out to be nothing but a silly little girl, victim to things she couldn't understand, no one ever listened to the little countess of Karnstein and anything she said in defense of Susanna was chalked up to silly girl talk or further enchantment from Susanna. She would have to be killed now, for none of them would suffer a witch to live.

Mircalla could only watch from afar, aghast, as her lover was executed right there in Karnstein, right in front of her. She had been unable to save Susanna. On the day of her execution, as her final word, Susanna only said one thing:

"Fear not, Mircalla! To die as lovers may, so that they may live together shall be our story! I will meet you again in death!" then she spoke no more, and nor did Mircalla, grief taking her ability to do anything but mourn.

For the next few months, Mircalla became increasingly bitter, cynical and sadistic. With her one true love gone, stripped of life and torn away from Mircalla, Mircalla felt that she had nothing else worth living for. Or at least, she felt as though she had nothing left to be good for. She stopped caring. She stopped functioning. She did what she wanted whenever she wanted, not caring about the consequences of her actions. None of it displeased her father, however, now that she was no longer engaging in witchcraft and homosexuality. She spent most of her time either brooding in her room, or watching the servants being punished. She was not up to anymore trouble. That was fine with Ferenc.

At the end of those months, however, the young countess of Karnstein finally attended her first ball. She did not remember anything of that night, except for how lovely it might've been to waltz with Susanna instead of all of these dirty, disgusting men who claimed to love her dearly and who lavished her will all sorts of promises she saw right through. They were all the same, stubborn, egotistical pigs. And they weren't even that smart, the way Susanna had been. These men were ugly, stupid, vain and boring. Mircalla wanted to waltz with Susanna.

The only relief came after the ball, in the dead of night, when Mircalla was near sleep. She had been hoping to dream of Susanna again and to dance with her in that dreamworld if she could not dance with her in this waking one. She never got to engage in such a dream, however, because she was woken up by a visitor. It was a strange, spectral figure whom she could not make out entirely, so hazy was the night, but she imagined it to be Susanna. In fact, when the figure mounted Mircalla, it began to kiss at her neck in the same way Susanna used to in all the nights they spent together, whether in the garden or in the bed. Was Susanna back for revenge? Was this gentleness some new form of torture? Or was she going to take Mircalla away to a place where they could finally be happy together? And were these kisses and caresses in the middle of the night just Susanna's way of saying hello again after so long? Mircalla could only moan a little as Susanna nipped at her neck, and then her breast.

Suddenly, Mircalla felt a sharp pain, cutting deeper than any pain she had ever known before. She couldn't even scream anymore, having been quite drained by Susanna's visit. She could only lie there, mouth open in a silent cry as the pain grew. It began to burn and she struggled to push the specter away, but she was paralyzed. She could only lie there as her life force was sapped right out of her veins. Finally, then, Mircalla began to fear death. For the first time in her life, she was afraid to die and wanted desperately to live. She clung to the last threads of her mortality, but they unraveled faster and faster as the fates prepared to unwind her story and cut the string. She began to pray silently, though she did not believe in a good or forgiving God anymore. She prayed for life, if nothing else, far too afraid of dying. In that one moment, it became her one true fear, even worse than losing Susanna. In that one moment, Mircalla would've done anything to escape death's grip. Then she died.

But death did not keep her. Instead, it spat her back up into the land of the living, but she had come out wrong. Changed. Different. Monstrous. Vampiric. She was sure that she was still dead, that disconnect of body and mind (soul?) an ever-present torture, but she was able to walk and see and talk again. She could think and respond and act, but it all felt... different. She had no pulse and no need to breathe or eat. But she did have the need to drink. Blood. From the moment Mircalla's dark eyes opened again, she was thirsty. But even after she quenched her initial thirst for blood, another kind of hunger drove through her system. Was it the hunger for life? What an ironic Hell for the girl who'd spent her death throes fearing the scythe of the Reaper. Was this God's punishment for an unrepentant sinner like her? To forever roam the land of the living, dead? Always wanting for something she'd never have? Though that was nothing new to the young countess of Karnstein.

But in time, Mircalla would come to see that she was only half right in her assessment. A far more exquisite torture was in store for her, beyond being dead in a world of life. Her ultimate torture was the most ironic and painful of all. It was to see Susanna, again in death just like they had wanted, but to never find a happy ending. Time and time again, they would find one another and fall madly in love, but never would it ever end in anything other than death and despair.

And as an extra sort of irony, if Mircalla was the girl of death stuck in the land of the living, Susanna was the girl of life stuck in the land of the dead, forever haunted by Mircalla's specter. And her punishment had not been to endure eternal death as Mircalla's had been. Hers was to experience a very twisted eternal life. She could die, yes, but she was never kept for long before being reborn, again and again. Maybe she came back in a new life every time, but she was an old soul. Worst of all, though, to Mircalla, Susanna never had any recollection of any of her past lives. It didn't matter how many times she'd died and been reborn, every time she and Mircalla were reunited, it was like the very first time for her. Mircalla cursed God for giving them both such ironic Hells and began to ask why, but vaguely, something did stir in her memory...

When Susanna had died, she was welcoming of death and had promised her loyalty to Mircalla even beyond the grave. But Mircalla? When she died, she had feared death and begged for anything else, forgetting even Susanna in that one moment of terror. How ironic was it now for their roles to reverse? Susanna would forever be the one to live and fear death and she would always shy away from Mircalla every time they met again. She would forget Mircalla after every new death while Mircalla was the one who would never forget Susanna and never be able to pass on into death the same way Susanna had tried so hard to do centuries ago. Susanna would be a creature of perverted life and Mircalla of perverted death. They really would become one through their loves, God himself switching them up to torture them.

Their story ended the same way every time before completing its cycle all over again in a different time and place. Same play, different stage. Year after year. Mircalla always ended up taking Susanna's life, only for it to be returned to her within a few years' time, and Susanna always filled Mircalla's dead heart with life before death would do them part for another decade or two until they could be as one once again. Susanna always ended up hurting Mircalla, although it was all inadvertent. Mircalla always ended up hurting Susanna, though it was all unintended.

But the vicious cycle of hurt and pain between the two girls, like the endless round of life and death, never ceased. The very first cycle had started the moment Mircalla had crept in through Susanna's window on that dark and fateful night centuries ago and so it would be for centuries more. They had lived together, they had died together, now they would live together once more, just like Susanna had promised in her last moments of her first life. But they had both come back wrong. In the same way homosexuality was a perversion of love, so too was their existence a perversion of life and death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Here's chap 1 of a Carmilla fanfic inspired by several lines from the book that imply that this isn't the first time Carmilla might've fallen for a victim. I'm using the old headcanon that Person A is Person B's lover, reincarnated over and over again. Also, this fic will cover book and webseries and Susanna is, of course, Carmilla's original Laura. I came up with the name because Susanna was J. Sheridan-LeFanu's beloved wife, and it appears that Susanna was a name that existed back in the 1600s (albeit with slight spelling changes), so it's historically accurate sort of.


	2. Laura

For centuries, this perverted game of cat and mouse prevailed, one chasing the other in an endless round in attempt to find peace. For centuries, Mircalla had tried to quit, tried to escape, tried to end her suffering, but her punishment was final. No matter what she did or how far she ran, Mircalla was forever drawn back to that awful place once again. Without fail, every single time a new reincarnation appeared, Mircalla always came back, unable to stay away no matter how hard she tried. She always wound up here again, on that cursed and blessed land where she and Susanna had loved one another so many years ago. It didn't matter when, where or how, Susanna always came back. And so did Mircalla. And in every single time and place, the story was always the same.

This time, the place fate called Mircalla back to was only a few miles away from her old castle in Karnstein. It was closer than the previous reincarnation, but Mircalla was not interested in that. She was interested in the girl she was returning for. What form and name would she take on now? Mircalla could hardly wait as the time for them to reunite drew ever closer. And then the day came, and as with all of the others, Mircalla's accomplice, whom she called Mother, dropped her off at Susanna's newest doorstep with instructions for the father to look after her.

"My child will not have recovered sufficiently to resume her route for who can say how long. I must leave her: I cannot, dare not, delay. How far on, sir, can you tell, is the nearest village? I must leave her there!" Mother cried in grief and frustration, but Mircalla knew it was all only an act. It was an act to help her find the excuse to live right with Susanna at her very house, as they had been doing since the very beginning of these reincarnation cycles. But Susanna's newest father ate it up and, as with all of the others before him, welcomed Mircalla into his own house instead. He insisted that Mircalla stay at the schloss instead of at the nearby town, which was full of all kinds of dangerous riffraff. Mother pretended to consider the option carefully before agreeing and then wheedling away quite quickly to keep up the façade of being on an urgent mission. This left Mircalla alone with Susanna once again.

In time, the two young women, who were very old spirits at heart, would find new names. Mircalla's became Carmilla and, in this life, Susanna's became Laura. It was a pretty name for an even prettier girl, Mircalla, or rather, Carmilla, decided. This version of Susanna looked fairly different from the original, hair a pale gold and eyes a sky blue instead of being a deeper reddish gold with emerald, but Carmilla still knew exactly who she was looking at. And even though this Susanna seemed far more timid and silly than her original, Carmilla still knew exactly who she was looking at. Already, the vampire felt close to paradise, despite knowing how their story would end. But it was an irresistible law of her nature that she come back here and relieve out those beautiful and terrible moments, no matter how old the story became.

"How wonderful!" Carmilla had exclaimed when she was finally able to speak with Susanna (Laura). "12 years ago, I saw your face in a dream, and it has haunted me ever since!" she cried.

"Wonderful indeed!" Laura, repeated, overcoming with an effort the horror that had for a time suspended her utterances. "12 years ago, in vision or reality, I certainly saw you. I could not forget your face. It has remained before my eyes ever since!"

As Laura finished speaking this piece, Carmilla felt the place where her unbeating heart rested soften and warm. Although she knew Laura was only referring to the dream in which she and Carmilla met, the dream always being Carmilla's signal that Susanna was back, even coming in parallel to the way the two of them used to crawl through one another's windows for nightly trysts, Carmilla liked to think that Laura was referring to remembering Carmilla back when she was still only human Mircalla. Even though Carmilla knew Laura was only referring to a childhood dream for things yet to come, Carmilla liked to think that it was Susanna speaking through Laura, promising that she did remember their love this time around. But it was a foolish fantasy, and the old vampire knew it. No reincarnation ever remembered her, though the thought was tempting.

Carmilla's smile had softened as she inspected Laura. Whatever Laura might've fancied strange in it was gone, and it and her dimpling cheeks were now delightfully pretty and intelligent. Carmilla was just so deeply moved to see Laura, so deeply moved to see her beloved's face again. If only Laura would remember! But she wouldn't. And that was half the torture. But Carmilla was already in love. She was unequally and irrevocably in love with Laura. As much as it would hurt them both, Carmilla would stay by Laura's side until their time ended once more, and she would do her best to make do with what little time they had now before the dreaded cycle would repeat itself again, like the hands on a clock, obeying Father Time and no one else.

"I live in your warm life, and you shall die-die, sweetly die-into mine. I wish for us to die together, to die as lovers may, so that they may live together!" Carmilla had told Laura one night about a month after they first met. The words were cryptic, but intentionally so, as Carmilla was bound to secrecy by an archaic and powerful law that could not be broken, no matter how much she wished it could be. She could only hope that Laura would be able to glean, from that one little clue, what was in store for her at the end of this newest chapter in their love story. But Laura, poor, sweet, innocent Laura, was so blind. She did not understand at all, though she might've wished it. She just could not remember all the secret kisses and stolen nights. When she looked at Carmilla, all she saw was a madwoman, not a lover at all. But that did not stop Carmilla's wild heart.

"You are mine, you shall be mine, you and I are one forever," she had promised Laura another night, daring to climb atop the young woman and press bold kisses to her cheeks, lips and neck like Laura had done for her centuries ago, even if she could not recall. Laura was visibly afraid of such a forward reaction, but Carmilla did not care anymore. She was too entranced, too in love, with the poor young girl to wait any longer to be with her again. Carmilla could control herself no longer and would not wait a single second to feel Laura's warmth again, even if Laura appeared to be distressed by all of these behaviors and, as she perceived them, peculiarities.

But these feverish behaviors were not signs of madness, as Laura may have thought. Instead, they were cracks in the carefully built up fortress that was Carmilla. Try as she may, the vampire could not control herself. She had waited long enough already to see Laura again, and to have her so close and so personally was an exquisite torture of the highest degree. She reveled in it. She glorified every kiss, every touch, every moment spent together, knowing that they would not last more than this one summer, just like all of the others. But there would be other summers, she just had to wait. But could she? When everything about Laura was so tempting? Her gorgeous body, her loving spirit, her blood that was warm with life? Carmilla knew it was selfish, but love was always selfish. The more ardent, the more selfish. She would spend every second she had with Laura as an act of love and an act of defiance and, in the same way the cycle would not wait for her, she would not wait for it. These summers were precious to the vampire, and she wouldn't let a single one go to waste even though there would be many more in time.

Carmilla felt like a caterpillar while in the normal world, small, ugly, invisible and powerless, only to be a butterfly when those precious summers came. When summer came, when Laura came, Carmilla was free, and beautiful. And so was Laura, in full maturity of a woman, though still learning how to stretch her wings. But then the summer would end, and the two young women would become grubs again. Carmilla would return to the shadows and Laura would have to go through birth and childhood once more, coming out as a new larva every time, though each reincarnation had its own propensities, necessities and structure. But Carmilla did not want to have to wait for another cycle to be a butterfly again.

But cycles were cycles, each step coming in one right after the other, heedless of anything but Father Time. And in time, the past began to haunt both Carmilla and her beloved Laura once again. It came in the form of a painting of Carmilla, back in 1698 when she was still human. Laura was the only one to catch onto the similarities between Carmilla and the lady in the picture and was even gracious enough to request that it be hung in her room. The gestured made Carmilla smile, but it also made her weep, and she had taken the opportunity to share one last night with the young girl in the same way they had centuries ago. She could sense that their time was running out now. Summer was nearly over. All of Susanna's portraits had been destroyed following her death and Carmilla had failed to save even a single one, though her own still remained. The dress she wore in it was Susanna's favorite. It was Carmilla's own last rebellion against what her father had done to her and Susanna.

Following the incident with the painting, Carmilla took Laura on a walk around the river that surrounded Laura's schloss. It reminded both of them of a romantic event in their past, though Carmilla's was further back. The times were different, but the sentiment and memory were not.

"It is so like the night you came to us," Laura said. Carmilla could only smile dryly and she fought the urge to ask Laura which time she was referring to. Of course, she knew Laura was referring to the most recent incident earlier that summer, but how many times had Carmilla played out this same scenario? How many Susannas had Carmilla gone through where they met under the moonlight?

"Are you glad I came?" Carmilla asked instead.

"Delighted, dear Carmilla," Laura answered. Carmilla could only smile. Maybe Laura did not remember anything of her before this summer, but the memories she did have now were still good ones. That would be enough. The vampire rested her head upon the human's shoulder, smiling softly.

"How romantic you are, Carmilla," Laura said. "Whenever you tell me your story, it will be made up chiefly of some one great romance!" Carmilla kissed Laura's cheek. If only Laura would accept it if she did more than that. "I am sure, Carmilla, you have been in love; that there is, at this moment, an affair of the heart going on," Laura shied away from the kiss and Carmilla felt something stir where her heart used to be.

"I have been in love with no one, and never shall," she whispered. "Unless it should be with you."

The next night the pair spent together was the last. Laura had gone off with her father and an old friend to the Karnstein chapel. Or what was left of it. Carmilla had not been pleased to hear about this development, but there was no point in trying to outrun her fate. Instead, she decided only to meet Laura there and see what would unfold. Surely God was testing her now. Surely this was going to be the end of another cycle. And God's sense of irony returned, for who else would show up than the father of Carmilla's latest victim? Carmilla still remembered the man, General Spielsdorf, with rage and hatred. Even now, in a new time and place, the two held a deep desire for revenge against each other and a small battle ensued between the old foes. So, Carmilla's secret was out to Laura that she was a monster, a vampire. The story was over. But how did Laura die in this one? All of Carmilla's other Susannas had passed because of her vampiric bites. This was the first one to die of something else...

Carmilla's "mother", who had been the one to resurrect Carmilla after she was bitten by a vampire centuries ago, had created a strange deal with Carmilla. If Carmilla would help her catch a few special girls every 20 years or so, she would help Carmilla find every reincarnation of Susanna and give her a reason to go and stay with the girl at her house. Perhaps the deal seemed sudden and strange, but the woman admitted that it was because she liked how well Carmilla could charm women, and how vicious she could be when provoked. Carmilla did not want to agree at first, but the idea of having someone help her get into Susanna's good graces was tempting enough for Carmilla to become this woman's worker and "daughter" and, from then on, Carmilla called her Mother.

For centuries, their deal stood. Carmilla captured five girls every 20 years and, in exchange, Mother helped Carmilla win Susanna's heart. So Carmilla and Mother became a tag-team, and it had been Mother who helped Carmilla find an excuse to get to know Laura. In that way, Mother gave Carmilla Laura, but she had no qualms with taking Laura away either...

Carmilla's fourth victim, two before Laura and one before Spielsdorf, had managed to escape. She escaped because Carmilla had been so busy with thoughts of reuniting with Susanna, who was Laura this time, that the girl managed to uncover her secrets and escape before Carmilla could deliver her to Mother. As a punishment for losing a victim and nearly blowing their cover, Mother made Laura a replacement target, allowing Carmilla to grow close to her before intentionally turning the tables so that Carmilla would reveal her secret to Laura in the worst way possible, forcing Carmilla to flee. It was Mother's cruel retribution for Carmilla's shortcomings.

Once that happened, Mother swooped in and took a more direct part in the story. She manipulated Laura into betraying Carmilla and sealing her own fate simultaneously. Carmilla did not get to see how Laura died, having been imprisoned in a coffin of blood by then, but she knew enough to know that Mother had hurt her badly, and all in the name of punishment. Laura would be back in time, like always, but it would take Carmilla a bit of time to find her again. By then, she would be far too hurt and bitter to care, however, betrayed by her own Mother into losing Susanna once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: This chap is obviously based on the original book, but I did start adding in webseries elements towards the end because I didn't actually get the idea to tie all three in until I was writing this chapter. Originally, this was going to be book only, but that changed and now I'm adding in the webseries, though I'm keeping this Laura as Laura. I'm not renaming her Elle. 
> 
> Also, this changes the book and webseries a tad. In this story, Elle was not Mother's original target. It only became that way because of Carmilla's failure with another victim, kind of like what happened in S1. Carmilla was a "part-time employee" to Mother. And that victim, unnamed, was the one directly before Bertha (ward of Gen. Spielsdorf). In addition, Elle doesn't find out about Carmilla's secret from "a woman in the village", she finds out from that incident in the chapel, taken from the book. 
> 
> Also, the way I imagine the timeline to be laid out is as such:
> 
> 1680: Mircalla is born
> 
> 1696: She meets Susanna
> 
> 1697: Susanna is killed
> 
> 1698: Mircalla becomes a vampire
> 
> And then here, she starts hunting for girls around 1870-71 but doesn't get to Laura/Elle until 1872. Laura's last, unnamed incarnation, I would measure, lived sometime in the 1840-50 if we assume each reincarnation was born as soon as the last one died.


	3. 2014 Laura

When Carmilla, or Mircalla as she had taken to calling herself again, was finally freed from her bloody coffin, she felt a lassitude, and a languor that weighed upon her all day. She felt herself a changed girl. A strange melancholy was stealing over her, a melancholy that lasted for 70 years more and took away every pleasurable thought she had. She did not smile for anything now. Even the darkness and violence of life left her uncomfortable and apathetic. Her time in the coffin had broken something deep within her, and she was no longer the same girl she used to be. Dim thoughts of death began to open, and an idea that she was slowly sinking into it took gentle, and, somehow, not unwelcome, possession of her. If it was sad, the tone of mind which this induced was also sweet.

In all her centuries as a vampire, Mircalla had never once considered death to be an option for her. Now? Though she still could not visualize herself actively doing anything to end her existence, the idea of everything ending was a common one for her now, and not entirely unwelcome. She had imagined herself dying in variety of ways, though she never did anything to speed or slow the process in anyway. She traveled the world alone in a haze, seeing everything and nothing, like she wasn't even a part of this world anymore. Had it come from spending so long locked up underground? Had it come from her own Mother betraying her and taking Susanna from her despite their deal? But Mircalla had always killed Susanna before! In every chapter of their story, it never ended well. So why did this particular story leave her feeling so... empty and unhappy? Why did it drive her to such loneliness and isolation that she traveled the entire globe and barely spoke to anyone, human or vampire?

For about a decade after her escape, Mircalla continued to travel in this gloomy and lonely haze. It was in the 1950s when Mother found her again, sulking in France. Mother wasted no time in recruiting her again, seeming to have forgotten the punishment she inflicted upon Mircalla.

"Oh! Darling, darling! That is all blood under the bridge now!" Mother waved her arm dramatically, as though trying to swat a fly away. "You and I are together again and I have decided to take mercy upon you this time and I will not return you to your coffin. There you go, is that not something worth a smile?" Mother seemed so proud of herself, but Mircalla couldn't even look at her. Suddenly, Mother's tone became sharp.

"Listen, Mircalla. You weren't supposed to be let out this early! Your punishment was supposed to be at least a century. But seeing as you have escaped and you have had some time to see the light again and to come to terms with your actions and their natural consequences, I will be gentle with you. Come, rejoin me in my service, or return to your coffin..."

Mircalla had not liked either option, finding no joy in seducing idiotic young girls into Mother's hand and certainly fearing the blood coffin, but she knew she had to make a choice, for Mother would make it for her.

"Fine. So be it. Whatever," Mircalla grunted, and their little deal resumed.

The game was the same, even if under a different name. Now, instead of just roaming Styrian grounds for ditzy little idiots, Mircalla hunted a University. Mother had built it around the time she had finished burying Mircalla in that awful little coffin. The university's name was Silas, and it was welcome to people of all kinds from every origin, though young women often received priority. And since Mircalla was Mother's main tool of operation, from the 50s and onward, it became a very queer-friendly school. Mother prioritized pretty young girls who liked other pretty young girls just to make things easier upon Mircalla. But Mircalla still took no pleasure in her job and she began to hate that school with a passion, loathing the day when she had to return to it to do Mother's bidding. Her one condition was that Mother's victim could never be one of Susanna's reincarnations. Mother agreed to those terms, just so long as Mircalla kept up her own end of the bargain, like last time.

Mircalla ended up meeting several of Susanna's reincarnations, both in and out of Silas, but she did not feel anything for them anymore. Every time they would find her, Mircalla would make their life Hell. Although she did end up falling in love with each and every reincarnation, she fought hard not to show it. She was trying to defy the cycle again, actively hating her soulmate instead of loving. It was one last act of desperate rebellion. If Mircalla could not change her fate, or undo what Mother did, or beg God for forgiveness from this curse, then the least she could do was take it out on the one individual she could control: Susanna.

In every reincarnation of Susanna since 1872 Laura, Mircalla had actively worked against her, making her life miserable as a silent statement of rebellion and a way to protect herself from the emotional pain she would be left in when Susanna died again. She picked on every one of Susanna's reincarnations that she did not actively ignore or kill on their first night together, just to get it over with. She did not love Susanna anymore. She hated her. She wanted her dead, blaming her for everything starting from that first vampiric experience down to the blood coffin and Silas University. She wanted Susanna to feel all the pain she had. All of Mircalla's righteous anger and thirst for some kind of justice or vengeance was taken on out these reincarnations because they were all she had, and she did her very best to defy the path laid out for her.

But again, Mircalla could neither run nor hide forever. Try as she may to hate Susanna and defy all of her reincarnations out of a thirst for justice, the curse of love was not so easily removed and fate was determined to create a reincarnation that even Mircalla would be unable to hate. That was part of Mircalla's punishment, her curse, after all, to feel the cruel sting of love that was even crueler than hatred. That new reincarnation was a spritely young dimwit named Laura Hollis, who had come to Silas in the fall semester of 2014. She was Mircalla's latest conquest, to love or to hate. Mother kept up her end of their old bargain and intentionally made Laura's original roommate, Betty, one of her chosen targets. Mircalla easily disposed of her and Mother made Mircalla Laura's new roommate thereafter. Both of them had a cruel sense of humor and irony and both of them agreed upon changing Mircalla's name in Silas' master list.

"Carmilla. I'm your new roommate, sweetheart."

From that very first moment, that very first word, that very first name, Carmilla had been just as determined to make this Susanna miserable as she had to all of the others. She and Laura became fast rivals, Carmilla's sloppiness and general apathy for anyone who wasn't herself driving Laura Hollis mad. Carmilla's habit of partying late and sleeping in, mixed with her petty theft and gluttonous eating habits infuriated Laura, so Carmilla only made sure to amp up the act, intentionally leaving her bed unmade and her clothes, half of which weren't even hers, on the floor. She would sometimes sprinke cookie crumbs all over their dorm while blasting the loudest rock music she owned. The way she saw it, Laura deserved it for all the torment she put Carmilla through. It had not been Laura who was turned into a vampire, cursed to watch her One True Love die and forget her over and over again. It had not been Laura who was locked in a blood-filled coffin, buried underground for 70 years. That stupid little overachiever could get over herself and deal with a few crumbs and some missing shirts. Carmilla had fun tormenting her little soulmate.

Aaaaaannd, now Carmilla was pretty sure she was starting to fall in love with this lackwit. Try as she may, the cycle could not be ignored, and God had finally come up with another reincarnation of Susanna that Carmilla could not resist. Carmilla tried to force herself to hate Laura, but it just didn't work. After watching the girl try and rescue her old roommate, never knowing that Carmilla was responsible for her disappearance in the first place, something stared to change within Carmilla. And it only continued to grow as Laura expanded her search and sought out all of the missing girls, not just her own roommate. This girl, this stupid little Creampuff, was so brave, so driven, that she was actively seeking all of these girls, all of these nobodies, like they actually meant something. She put so much time and effort into saving these missing girls that it actually hurt Carmilla, too, when Laura ended up with nothing. Laura had invested so much energy and passion that to see her lose it all was disheartening, even though Carmilla was the one responsible for the disappearances in the first place.

It was just so beautiful to watch Laura try, like she actually cared about them or that she actually thought she could make a difference. She was so like her original incarnation. She was just as driven, spirited and courageous. It was one of the qualities that had first attracted Carmilla to Laura all the way back in 1696 when they first met. This Laura was so close to the original... If anything, this should've been a big warning sign to Carmilla that this story would end just as badly as before, but it was already too late. Carmilla was unequally and irrevocably in love with Laura... again. Laura's hope, strength and determination had started a fire in a part of Carmilla that she thought had burnt out long ago.

"Why?" Carmilla had asked Laura once in regard to her fruitless search for the missing girls.

"Because we deserve better," Laura had replied, almost angrily. "Hell, even you deserve better!" the girl added. It was supposed to be something of an insult, but it had been the very first time anyone had ever told Carmilla that maybe she deserved a better life than what fate had given her. It had been the first time anyone had ever told Carmilla to fight, instead of run or hide. It had been the first time that anyone had ever inspired hope in her. That might've been the part when Carmilla first started falling in love with Susanna's newest reincarnation.

Of course, the road to their love was marked with all sorts of potholes and bumps, but they did get there eventually and, suddenly, Carmilla had even told Laura about her past life, back in 1872. Of course, it hadn't exactly been a willful choice, Carmilla being bound, gagged and surrounded by wooden stakes and garlic cloves, but it happened anyway. Through "advanced interrogation techniques", Laura and her dimwit squad of gay gingers had weaseled the truth out of Carmilla. It was quite humiliating, but that was Carmilla's whole existence. Though the actual storytelling had been quite strange, and Carmilla wasn't sure whether or not it was more painful, or almost humorous. She was relating a very tragic and personal, private tale to her feisty, fiery little roommate and the girl's first reply was to help Carmilla tell it herself... using sock puppets.

It had been somewhat of a painful experience, telling Laura about what they used to have, but this Laura was just as blissfully unaware as all the others had been, foolishly even creating a puppet show to illustrate Carmilla's story. She had to admit, that was really quite original of her, though it was somewhat offensive and hurtful. Didn't Laura understand how hard of a time 1872 had been? Didn't she understand just how much Carmilla had loved her then? How much both of them had sacrificed only to lose it all anyway? But no, here Laura was, creating her old self and Carmilla out of googly-eyed socks with yarn for hair. Carmilla would've laughed, had she not also been so sad and scared. This Laura was no different than any of the others...

Which meant Carmilla was still going to fall in love with her, even if it wouldn't last.

"Waltzing was fun. It had a... frisson scandal back then," Carmilla shrugged, hardly able to believe that she and Laura were carrying on a normal and friendly conversation like two normal, friendly people instead of bickering.

"How is waltzing scandalous?" Laura sounded incredulous. Carmilla almost laughed. This was definitely a modern girl, a 2014 Laura, if she believed that waltzing was so pure and "un-scandalous".

"Well," the vampire replied, standing slowly and offering an arm to the younger girl. The younger girl took the arm as she rose up as well. The two stood in the starting position to begin a waltz.

"Partners were face to face, chest to chest," Carmilla pulled Laura in close. "And all of that whirling? It may as well have been sex..." she paused to smirk as she spun Laura around. Laura was smiling once their tiny waltz was over. Ahhh, it had been so long since last Carmilla shared a dance like that with her beloved one. The times were different, but the sentiment and memory were not. Good God, she was going soft...

"So, you had some fun?" Laura teased as they finished up their little dorm room dance.

"Maybe once or twice..." Carmilla replied with a smile that was both teasing and sad. Her mind, once again, was lost to a world of waltzes and secret kisses and stolen nights. As much as Carmilla might've hated Susanna for all the pain she had caused, seeing Susanna again always negated all of that anger in favor of love. Love might've been cruel and selfish, but it could still be so beautiful. This love only grew stronger, and even though it was still tinged with anger, bitterness and snarky amusement, it was a very true and genuine love. There were things that no one in the world could get Carmilla to do, yet all Laura had to do was ask and Carmilla would do it. For her. Of course she would. Who else would these gestures of kindness be for except for her long-lost soulmate who had been with her century after century, even if she never remembered?

"Of course I'm doing it for you..." Carmilla had told Laura.

But Susanna/Laura was not the only thing that stayed with Carmilla. The darker aspects of her past had an unfortunate way of creeping up on her as well, so was it any wonder why she would willingly sacrifice a few lackwits for Laura? What did Carmilla care about that Lafontaine person, or crazy Perry or the stupid frat-bro or that psycho-Summer, Xena? What did Carmilla care for anyone except Laura? Didn't Laura understand that Carmilla loved her and her alone? So why was Laura so mad when Carmilla had sacrificed someone else in her place? Carmilla had done this to protect Laura, to give them more time together before they would be torn apart again. Why was Laura so mad at Carmilla for sacrificing one useless, stupid individual to protect their timeless, endless love? This was supposed to be a gesture of love, so why did Laura return it with a gesture of hatred?

Carmilla didn't understand it at all, far too used to a world of selfishness and cruelty, but she understood that this gesture had angered Laura, and now Laura was leading the charge right to Mother's door in order to not only save her replacement sacrifice, but all of the other targets, including the crazy ginger person and the frat bro dude-scort. The thought scared Carmilla like nothing else but, at the same time, that same strange hope Laura had put into her heart a couple months back came shining through again and, as terrified as she was, Carmilla had never been more ready to challenge Mother than at that moment. She even dared to join forces with that red-headed Xena chick and together, the two of them descended down to the lower bowels of Silas in order to join Laura in her rescue mission of Mother's ceremonial targets. Maybe, just maybe, things would go better this time, and Carmilla just might be able to save her soulmate this time around. At least for a little while longer...

Carmilla had not expected to see the old Laura from 1872 during this battle.

"Elle?" she asked, using the little pet nickname she'd given the girl, coming from her first initial.

"Carmilla!" Elle's voice was soundless, but Carmilla could read her lips clearly. Suddenly, the vampire's vision was blurred with tears. How could it be that Susanna's soul had split in two? Why was some of it in Laura while the rest of it was trapped in Elle? Carmilla didn't know. Nor did she care. All she could think of, in that moment, was the portrait and the river, the schloss and Laura's old father. She could see late mornings and even later nights. She could see moonlight on the lake and governesses, chatty and intelligent. She could see kisses and promises. When Carmilla looked upon Elle again after 142 years exactly, she saw so much, and she hated Mother even more now than ever for putting them through this.

Carmilla had no regrets as she lunged towards the source of the evil, the Demon of the Light. She could see Elle in front of her and she could hear Laura behind her. She would end this nightmare once and for all. She would reunite these two pieces of Susanna's soul into one body. If she died, maybe their curse would end, and Susanna would finally get her happy ending, no matter if it was Elle or Laura who got to experience it and matter if Carmilla was part of that happy ending or not. Carmilla didn't care. She didn't care about that, or herself. All that mattered was saving Susanna in the same way Susanna had saved her, through the voice of Laura. Carmilla was going to repay her beloved one and give her back her life, even if it killed Carmilla herself...

Well. Good news. Carmilla was not killed, though she had been incapacitated for over a week after her little stunt. And even better news, she and Laura finally got to share their first kiss. But bad news. Defeating the Demon of the Light had been a very bad mistake. Now all of Silas was on lockdown. It was time to get the heck out of dodge. The fun just never ended for the vampire of Karnstein, did it? She could only hope that Laura would survive this and that their time together would not close too soon. But first things first... Escape Silas! And, oh great, the Floor Dons, two of the three queer gingers, were coming along. To the Styrian mountains. Towards winter break. Yay... Road trip...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: So here we go, the third and final chapter that wraps it all up. After escaping the coffin, Mother and Carmilla's deal resumes and Carmilla is given special permission to deal with Susanna's reincarnations as she wishes, so long as she does Mother's other dirty work. And then of course, our 2014 Laura steps onto the scene and shakes up Carmilla's whole world, one last time.
> 
> (Strike that "final" part. I'm writing an epilogue because I have to).


	4. Happy Ending

Six years later, Carmilla stood in the doorway of her apartment bedroom that she shared with Laura. The girl in question was sound asleep. It was very late, but Carmilla herself had been unable to get to bed that night. She stayed up for a bit, watching TV, reading books and emails and downing a few bottles of Lafontaine and Perry's Hemo-Soy Blood Substitute. It still didn't taste as good as real blood, but it was the more moral option. (Morals?! When had Carmilla ever cared about those? She ought to call herself Cullen instead of Karnstein. At least she didn't sparkle...). She stood in that doorway, just watching Laura sleep as she drank her Hemo-Soy. Despite her outwardly calm appearance, a torrent of thoughts was rushing through her mind...

It had been a very long and hard six years. In the first, following Carmilla and Laura's little escape from Silas (dragging two of the three gay gingers along), the two ended up realizing that their little stunt down in the bowels of Silas had instigated an apocalypse of Biblical proportion. The whole rest of that year and into the next summer was spent trying to stop Mother, who was no ordinary vampire as Carmilla had thought for so long. She was actually the Sumerian goddess of love and war: Inanna, and all of the work she'd had Carmilla do was all in the name of performing a ritual that she thought might help her reunite with her own lost love. Carmilla might've sympathized with her, had Inanna not abused her so terribly in the past. Besides, for that whole year, her love life with Laura was tumultuous, to put it lightly. When she realized what Inanna's problem was, she could only scoff in disdain.

"Tell her to go cry me an ocean," Carmilla grunted in dry amusement. "She ain't the only one with a broken heart or romance problems. I mean, look at me! 317 years of being a lovelorn vampire and you don't see me trying to end all of humanity to fix it, do you?" though of course, the more Carmilla thought about it, the more she had to admit that she might've very well done such a thing, were it in her power. Or at least, she would try to get things straight (ha, ha) with Laura. Were they dating or not? Were they a couple or not? The main desk at which they worked while hiding out in Silas' master library certainly would say so... How many impromptu sex sessions had they had on that poor thing? Yet both of them were still skirting the stupid question. Yea or nay?

Or at least, they were. At the end of that summer, like all the others, Laura died.

"Nononononono..." Carmilla wept softly into Laura's lifeless body. Of course! She should've known! She should've known her curse would be cruel enough to take Laura away from her right when they were about to celebrate their greatest triumph! She should've known! But she hadn't. She'd forgotten. In a moment of rapture, Carmilla had forgotten all about the dangers of love and the curse she bore. All she could remember was Laura, and how happy Laura made her. So now, Laura was becoming Carmilla's undoing again, lying uncharacteristically still, quiet and cold as Carmilla cradled her, fruitlessly trying to bring her back...

Inanna tried to intervene, tried to make amends for her actions which she finally understood the severity and wrongness of, but the best she could do was restore Carmilla's mortality so that, if she did have to suffer without her soulmate, it would no longer be eternal. Then perhaps, the two could finally reunite in death, properly. Would there be a point or purpose to keep bringing Susanna back to life if Carmilla, herself, was no longer there? But then Ereshkigal, goddess of death herself, and twin sister to Inanna, took pity upon Carmilla in her plight and was able to bring Laura back to her. Never in her un-life, or regular life, had Carmilla been quite so happy! There was no guarantee how long Laura would last this time, but either way, both she and Carmilla were fully human, so they were on equal footing. Maybe the Sumerian gods had undone the curse the Christian God had cast upon Carmilla. Maybe, just maybe, Laura would be her last and she and Susanna would finally get their happy ending.

But things weren't over yet. That was only one of the six years Carmilla had to slog through. Although the other five were nowhere near as hectic as that first, there was still plenty more to do. Carmilla had to get used to human life and domestic life, with a romantic partner no less, and none of that was super easy, contrary to what cheesy romcoms and soap operas showed. Carmilla had a lot to get used to as a human, and as a domestic lover and not some mysterious, sexy, seductive vampire, though Laura might've argued that the first two traits were still very active within the once-again-human Carmilla. She had opted to keep this alias as well, no longer Mircalla thanks to Laura. But five years of domestic life, quiet as they were, gave Carmilla plenty of time to reflect upon what she had done during her time as Mircalla, and none of it was pretty. The mental and emotional scars that she suppressed before meeting 2014 Laura were finally forced to open again and they stung like fresh wounds. Laura had recommended talking to a therapist, but that hadn't helped much. On the contrary, it only segued them into their next little adventure: a date with 1872 Laura, Elle, Carmilla's old ex. The only reincarnation of Susanna still around. Joy of joys.

But that whole mess had been resolved too, and it did help Laura and Carmilla find new perspective on their lives and one another as well. More sappy, happy endings. Of course, the entire adventure had been somewhat painful for Carmilla, having to come back to this little schloss again and look her original Laura right in the eyes as she admitted all of her sins and secrets and how she had moved on while this poor, innocent version of Susanna had been left alone in a blinding white light, to rot and be tormented by her worst memory: the day she lost Carmilla. It was a heartbreaking thing for Carmilla to see because it was then that she remembered that this curse of love wasn't just her own. It was Susanna's too. Susanna was cursed to doomed love just as much as Carmilla was. Elle was a reminder of that, because Carmilla had selfishly forgotten that this curse was supposed to kill two birds with one stone. Maybe Susanna never remembered Carmilla each time the punishment repeated, but that did not make her love for Carmilla any less real. And the pain that sprung up when that love failed was no less poignant either. Susanna was suffering just as much as Carmilla was. Elle was proof of it.

"I want my life!" Elle had screamed to them time and time again, bitter, vindictive and vengeful. She had cried out for justice and revenge, demanding Carmilla's blood as a sacrifice for all the years she'd had to suffer alone, lost and forgotten, cast aside to waste away in her suffering. While Carmilla at least eventually escaped her own prison, the coffin, Elle never did. And if 70 years could turn Carmilla from a hopeless romantic into a girl too callous to love and dead set upon make Susanna's other reincarnations miserable, what would 150 years do to one of those reincarnations? If it had only taken 70 years for Carmilla to snap and turn "evil", apathetic, what would 150 do to Elle? When Carmilla looked into those hating eyes, she saw herself reflected back, even clearer than if she had been looking into a mirror. When Carmilla saw Elle, she saw the Carmilla that had existed before 2014 Laura.

It was with great relief that Carmilla had been able to finally help Elle pass on, to move forward, from this life into the next. Perhaps it had not been Elle's idea of a happy ending, but by then, she resembled Carmilla so very much that thought of an eternal sleep did not frighten her anymore the way it used to. She was a changed girl too, and when she realized that her only option was the grave, she took it in stride. It was clear, she was still in a lot of pain from all the damage the curse had inflicted upon her, but at least she was free now. And that piece of Susanna had finally been reunited into the body of 2014 Laura. Maybe that was how Elle would get her life back. Maybe that was how Elle would get her happy ending: by finding peace and love through Laura from Carmilla. If Elle really was only one of Susanna's reincarnations, Elle's happiness would come from Laura's. The two weren't just connected by phantom dreams.

Now here Carmilla stood, in the peace and quiet of midnight as she stared at Laura's sleeping figure. How different it was from what she was used to! And how far Carmilla had come in life! Especially in the past six years! Because for the first time ever, Carmilla finally felt true hope. Like she actually had a chance to live life right this time. Maybe this would be the final cycle? Maybe Inanna and Ereshkigal really had freed Carmilla and Susanna from their curse? Maybe they would finally be able to live the life they had always wanted.

Carmilla had ended up needing to trade her mortality for Elle's immortality so that Elle could move on, but Carmilla had little concern about how her relationship with Laura would look in 20 years because, not too long ago, scientists had managed to find a Fountain of Youth. So maybe, even though Carmilla was a vampire again and Laura was still only human, she could achieve immortality too? Maybe this really was their happy ending. No more chapters or reincarnations, just this one closing piece before they were able to live freely, slaves to nothing and no one.

Domestic life was looking good for the two of them right now and, at this current view point, it was going to be this way for a very long time more. So had fate finally decided to show mercy upon the vampire and forgive her and allow her to keep her lover at long, long last? Would she live a full life with Laura? Would Laura be able to join her in immortality just like they had planned centuries ago? Carmilla sure hoped so...

But watching Laura as she slept so peacefully, hair messy, arms tangled in the sheets and a bit of drool escaping her lips, Carmilla knew that even if life were to change its mind and take Laura away again, Carmilla would never go down the same path that she had when she lost Laura back in 1872. She would not become like Elle had. She would not go back to that dark and loveless place. She swore it!

If anything were to happen to this 2014 Laura, Carmilla would fight through it and never lose the person she had become thanks to this Laura. She would not become cold, cruel and bitter ever again. She would do her best to remain good and kind, no matter what. They would always come back together again anyway, because if Laura was taken away again, that meant the cycle was still in place and at least the cycle promised that the two lovers would always find one another again in the end, no matter the time or space between them. Carmilla and Laura had already been subject to that fate to die as lovers may, so that they may live together and they had already suffered so much together in this one life alone that it seemed that they were destined to be together, regardless of what curse or magic may or may not be acting upon them. Although Carmilla wanted desperately for 2014 Laura to be her last, she had already promised that if this weren't true, she would be good enough to deserve the next Laura.

And whatever reincarnation would come up next, Carmilla would be ready to love that reincarnation with her whole heart, no matter how much time they did or didn't have together. She would be ready to love again, no matter the pain. Their love was eternal, so it didn't matter who lived or died or who went first or who came back. All that mattered was that they would always find one another again. Besides, as Carmilla knew all too well, love could be cruel and it would have its sacrifices. There were no sacrifices without blood. So love was going to hurt, dead or alive. The only question was whether or not those sacrifices were worth it. And as Carmilla curled up around Laura once again, finally feeling tired, she decided that she already knew the answer. Yes. It would be worth it. If it was Susanna, Laura, or whoever, love would be worth its sacrifices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: So, the epilogue chapter leaves it ambiguous as to whether or not Carmilla and Susanna's curse is over. Yay! But at least it seems that they will be ok for now. And either way, Carmilla had promised to remain good even if she does lose Laura. A big character growth, eh? 
> 
> And as for why Elle is the only one with part of Susanna's soul (aside from Laura)? It's because she was the only reincarnation to never die properly, as it was explained for all the Lophii victims. And none of the other victims were reincarnations, BTW, as explained by the promise between Mother and Carmilla. Elle was just that one exception, and that might explain why she seemed to have a natural connection with Laura even beyond what other would-be victims received. (The dreams in S1 vs the dreams in the movie).
> 
> Also, quick timeline:
> 
> Carmilla meets Hollis in fall of 2014 (when S1 was first aired)
> 
> S2 and S3 take place in the New Year and summer of 2015
> 
> 5 years later, in 2020, the movie occurs. My headcanon is that it occurs in the summer of 2020, meaning that Laura and Carmilla will celebrate exactly 6 years of knowing each other when the fall of 2020 arrives, which is where this epilogue occurs.


End file.
